I Lost A Partner …

Posted on April 22nd, 2015 by Loraine Hutchins

For Nancy Logsdon Mandelkorn, R.I.P., April 5, 2015

I lost a partner.
She told people she “fell in love” with me before she knew me.
She meant she fell in love with my work in the world,
how I gave her courage to be.
We took care of each other, that’s what mattered, still does.
Refugees from rockier shores,
Who found safe harbor with each other for awhile.
I lost a partner.
Which people don’t understand, seeing as our relationship didn’t fit their boxes.
We weren’t a married couple,
nor did we want to be, yet our love has just as much right to be.
I lost the melody to my harmony.
There was no question when she got ill that I would take care of her, that’s the values we share.
I lost a partner in our love of nature as alive being
Lost our political dialogue
Our sardonic game of cultural crit
Our home-making
Our community-building.
We weren’t a merged being, we treasured our separateness.
I lost a common language
Not centered in procreation or a couple fulcrum at all.
More about cooperating at small and many-sized connecting levels
The way humanity needs to adapt
As we go on
losing individual partners …….
and still …
keeping our center whole.

14 Responses

  1. Catherine Sheehy says:

    beautiful. thank you for sharing.

  2. wendy curry says:

    Beautifully put. My heart goes out to you

  3. Skye says:

    Loraine- I hate to hear how your heart is hurting. I can not begin to imagine what you’re feeling and going through, but please know I’m thinking of you and sending flowers many warm and positive vibes to you.

  4. Alan Hamilton says:

    Beautiful, Loraine! You know that loss eventually becomes less painful. It never goes away. It isn’t the end of the world or the end of your life, but it is the end of something wonderful and you deserve all the time you need to mourn.

  5. Eldritch says:

    Oh Dear, Oh My. Life cycles with joy and sorrow and sorrow and joy. May you find all that you need in each ebb and flow of the grief and love.

  6. Ani says:

    I am so glad you loved and were loved so well. Sending love now to help with this loss.

  7. Susan Koppelman says:

    “I lost the melody to my harmony.
    I lost a common language.”

    Amazingly perfect. Thanks for sharing.
    I know what grief is like from my own life. I imagine most of us do. You’ve not only given voice to your own grief and strength, you’ve given those of us who have the privilege of reading what you have written a way to help us with our griefs. Thank you and please accept my condolences.

  8. Patsy says:

    NICE and something that everyone should read.

  9. Marly Davidson says:

    Loraine, I treasure times you and Nancy and I have shared over the years as sisters who sometimes bickered but loved each other anyway. I hope you share this poignant poem at Nancy’s service on Sunday. LOVE, Marly

  10. Sheilah says:


  11. Rebecca Parker says:

    Loraine, What a beautiful tribute to Nancy. Sheer poetry. You are a guiding light to so many, I am sorry for the burden of deep loss that you must carry now. Love never ends. It just doesn’t. May comforting energies draw close around you, and angels of peace dry your tears. May gratitude for all that you shared give you strength as you find a way to carry on. Blessings, Rebecca

  12. Beth Wells says:

    I am so sorry, as you already know. It is so hard to lose someone with whom you share so much. Nancy was much more than a sister to me in many ways, and I will miss her. You spent so much more time with her and shared friendship, love, home-building, and so much more; I imagine there is a great sense of emptiness in the house right now. If you ever have a need to talk, please let me know.

  13. Barb says:

    I just found out Nancy died, she was the 1st high priestess in the Coven of the Mother Wolf. She was the organizer of the 1st Gathering of the Tribes in the tidewater area. I was a teen at the time. Sigh….I was the 1st spring queen in her founding of the first of of the equinox celebrations. As i was an orphan; Nancy taught me to be strong. She was my inspiration.
    Goodbye my best mentor and greatest advocate. She taught me that when you die the stars unfold to you.

    I know the stars are out folding to Nancy now. Please excuse the typos, I sn typing thur tears.

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